Suicide Is Not Normal

Your actions put you in the limelight.
My senses are heightened as
I recognize this behavior.
I try to offer a warm embrace instead you push me away.

Habitually, you run to isolation.
Chased there by fear of the light,
Not wanting any piece of you exposed,
As you cope through being scared and shaken,
Wondering how you can get through one more night.

Yet, in shadows I quietly pursue
Seeing that the temptation to self destruct is making you sway.
I want to be there to break the fall.
Actually, I want to keep you from falling at all.

You collapse into a dark corner’s embrace.
I see a familiar glint of silver.
My heart quickens.
Lunging from the darkness,
I grab your hand just as you start to bring crimson.

Suicide doesn’t take away your pain,
it gives it to someone else.
I know how you can be led here. To this place.
I know it’s not really what you want,
you just see no other way.

You run from the Light. However in this moment I will boldly show it.

James 4:2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

It is not normal to want to kill yourself. 

Ephesians 5:29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.

I think you’ve sat at all wrong campfires
Taking to heart all the wrong stories.
So much that you’ve let it wax your heart so cold.

One of the questions you must ask yourself, is suicide really enduring to the end?

Matthew 24:13 But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

I cannot complete you. I cannot make you see what you refuse to look at. I can’t reach in and take all the anger and hurt you carry and crush it in my hands. I wish. The important thing is I know someone who can. These are His words to us.

Matthew 11:28  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Psalm 43:5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, and he delivers those whose spirit has been crushed.

As I finish reading these to you, I notice around us, it seems that darkness is slowly stepping away.
Your tears begin to stop flowing.
And the glint first held in a blade is now seen as that start of a sparkle in your eyes.

Hope has arrived.

I step back to allow Him room.
As I do He takes her in His arms and begins loving her back to life.




To The One My Heart Is Burdened For

There is a connection beyond human understanding , yet I know the feeling is of something very much, real. It’s a connection where you feel as though the weight of pain on another’s back is now on you and all you can think of is how you want to help alleviate the darkness and disarm the taunting spirits beckoning them to self-destruct. You can’t relax, you can’t sleep, and it’s hard to focus on anything else but this burden.

It’s a connection where you feel as though the weight of pain on another’s back is now on you and all you can think of is how you want to help alleviate the darkness and disarm the taunting spirits beckoning them to self-destruct. You can’t relax, you can’t sleep, and it’s hard to focus on anything else but this burden.

For me burdens are not a nuisance but a call to act in love, in His love. You are not a burden. Know that. It okay to not be okay for now.

I, in my own person, am helpless in this matter. But I know when I am driven to my knees to cry out in anguish and hurt for that of another, supernatural power is unleashed. Not in me. Prayer beckons the movement of the Almighty’s hand. It is by your FAITH prayers move mountains. It is by God’s actions miracles take place.

Please know God put you on my heart. It wasn’t your choice. It is an honor to be burdened for you like this. I am praying for a mighty movement in your life and until that time comes I will be here for you to reach out to and encourage you to keep on fighting and I will be right there with you.

No one can steal the prayers nor the privilege I feel just to be able to lift you up to Our God in total surrender.

Scars Mean The Battle Was Real

When I was a little girl I loved to walk in creek beds. I would admire the way the trees would bend in as to shelter what was beneath. I also noticed how the creek banks were like cradles to usher the water flow in its journey to the next bigger body of water. You know, thinking about it, I wonder if those rocks kept the creek water humble so it wouldn’t flow faster than it should.

One day on a creek bed journey, I fell. My ankle was wedged between two rocks and my knee got busted open and this little people wedged inside it. I could feel the pebble as I tried to stand and cried. My friend’s dad picked me up and took me to the house where he lovingly removed the pebble and bandaged my knee.

That happened when I was 8. Thirty years later, when I shave or wear shorts, I am reminded of this day. I don’t rehearse the pain. I rehearse the memory of the beauty I took in that day. Of the creek. Of the man’s kindness.

From the age of 6 until I was 12, I endured sexual abuse. It was horrendous and if you see at the top of this blog I have a page that shares that testimony in depth. As of right now, I carry the biggest scar from this time in my life.

Something troubles me deeply lately. I watch crowds often. The expressions. The body language. I see so many who have endured terrible things in their lives yet they never let the wound heal and come to a scar. They let it fester. The keep breaking the wound open. They hide under the labels PTSD, Anxiety Sufferer, Depressed, Suicidal with constant symptoms like these below:

I have suffered the wound each of the feelings caused. They are very real and they are very hard to overcome. But it is not impossible to overcome them. What if the label serves more as an excuse than a step towards healing?

Have you seen these around:

What if we are given heightened strengths and awareness due to the trauma in our lives? So many us have suffered. What if we claimed our victories and stood tall instead of grasping our frailties and succumbing to evil’s darkness? It seems to me trauma victors have a lot to offer a very dark world.

I like this song called My House by Pvris. Within the song you come across these lyrics:


“Never thought that I would feel like this
Such a mess when I’m in your presence
I’ve had enough, I think you’ve been making me sick
Gotta get you out of my system
It’s my house
And I think it’s time to get out
It’s my soul
It isn’t yours anymore
It’s my house
And I think it’s time to get out
Yeah, I think it’s time to get out”

I remember the first time hearing this song I had to listen to it another dozen times. Why? I related. Pvris may have meant those lyrics to be taken totally in a different direction with their meaning to this song, but for me, it was about a dark demonic presence I carried with me often, for as long as I can remember. It made me relive memories. It made me have flashbacks. It made curl in the corner in fear due to the fact I felt someone was coming to hurt me again. It made me live in fear so much that I tried to end my life on three different occasions. It is my house. And I think was time the darkness leave me.

November 14, 1999 I gave my life, heart and soul to Christ. 6 weeks later I did the same thing to my husband, December 31, 1999. I was letting go of the festering wounds. I was going to quit opening the wounds up. I was going to bare the scar instead. That journey was long. But I can tell you I stand completely a survivor. I am not a victim. I won’t bare anymore of those labels the keep me repressed and my healing in the distance.

Be blessed. Listen to the words of Scars by I Am They. SCARS

Chaos Welcomed

We are creatures of comfort and to each one of us that means something different.

From the ages of 6-11 I dealt with sexual abuse. At age 12, rape. From the ages of 13-19, I was a total mess, suffering with at times, extreme PTSD to the point I was suicidal. 

Chaos and inner turmoil were just the norm. 

At age 19, I met a man, who is still my man (married 20 years in December) who brought stability and protection into my life. Something I seriously didn’t know how to handle. You get used to the chaos. In its odd little way, it becomes a safe harbor because it’s all you know. 


But let me tell you, sweet one, were never meant to go through traumatic things, let alone remain there in the ashes.

You can rise above the pain and heal. No, it is not by any means… easy. But if you want it bad enough, it is so possible. You just need strong accountability partners and for me, it was my Savior, Jesus Christ and my husband.

Don’t feel sorry for me nor pity me. I am an Overcomer through God’s Grace and my husband’s love. 

I just want others to know your life does not end at the abuse unless you let it. I am here if you need a friend, sweet one.