Suicide Is Not Normal

Your actions put you in the limelight.
My senses are heightened as
I recognize this behavior.
I try to offer a warm embrace instead you push me away.

Habitually, you run to isolation.
Chased there by fear of the light,
Not wanting any piece of you exposed,
As you cope through being scared and shaken,
Wondering how you can get through one more night.

Yet, in shadows I quietly pursue
Seeing that the temptation to self destruct is making you sway.
I want to be there to break the fall.
Actually, I want to keep you from falling at all.

You collapse into a dark corner’s embrace.
I see a familiar glint of silver.
My heart quickens.
Lunging from the darkness,
I grab your hand just as you start to bring crimson.

Suicide doesn’t take away your pain,
it gives it to someone else.
I know how you can be led here. To this place.
I know it’s not really what you want,
you just see no other way.

You run from the Light. However in this moment I will boldly show it.

James 4:2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

It is not normal to want to kill yourself. 

Ephesians 5:29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.

I think you’ve sat at all wrong campfires
Taking to heart all the wrong stories.
So much that you’ve let it wax your heart so cold.

One of the questions you must ask yourself, is suicide really enduring to the end?

Matthew 24:13 But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

I cannot complete you. I cannot make you see what you refuse to look at. I can’t reach in and take all the anger and hurt you carry and crush it in my hands. I wish. The important thing is I know someone who can. These are His words to us.

Matthew 11:28  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Psalm 43:5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, and he delivers those whose spirit has been crushed.

As I finish reading these to you, I notice around us, it seems that darkness is slowly stepping away.
Your tears begin to stop flowing.
And the glint first held in a blade is now seen as that start of a sparkle in your eyes.

Hope has arrived.

I step back to allow Him room.
As I do He takes her in His arms and begins loving her back to life.

Thank You

To the momma who gave her up,

I just want to tell you how angry I am. Thank you for not valuing her as you should have, for stuffing her in corners of neglect because you had yourself to serve instead.

Thank you for not even even considering for a second how your actions would even affect her years later. I am angry that one can find a child so easy to rid of.

BEing a victim of abandonment among others things, I am much different than others. I can relate to her on levels many cannot. I’ve been through those trenches and have fought through waves of anger.

And right now this little girl projects and I am her target. THey say you hurt the ones you love most, I suppose. She can be defiant. She is very manipulative but you taught her this. She has had to self-preserve no matter the cost in the past. You taught her she cannot trust anyone. You taught her she is easy to give up on and to give away.

If it wasn’t for Christ’s example and my own experiences with pain, this may have been all too much to bare. But I get it. I see her pain. I have felt that pain. I have been this little girl.

I wanted to know no matter how bad I acted that love would still find me at the end of any given day. That love was not merited favor based on an action or behavior.

Her anger is pretty intense at times and the venom coursing through her veins, painful. Sometimes I am at a loss to help her through but have come to understand she needs proof this is forever. So I hold on tight. I fight right beside her through the waves as they come her way. And if she was to fall, I’d keep those dark monsters that reside in her mind away from her heart.

I will not give up on her. She is my daughter and I love her with all my heart. Her and I are both warrior’s of this life and we will come out of this consumed in such a bond we’ll be inseparable.

So, thank you for not valuing her as you should have, for stuffing her in corners of neglect because you had yourself to serve instead.

For the Momma who chose her.