I Saw Your Face

I saw your face today

I thought I was OK

But the days that followed had me spinning in a direction I once fled from

I wanted to be alone

I wanted the world to be silent

I wanted to cry for hours

FEAR found me again.

I saw your face today

I thought I was OK

Yet every moment you and I had replayed in my mind like a horror film

Is there a doctor to purge me of these memories?

A healer to take away this pain

A hypnotist to remove this part of my life?

I rendered to you your forgiveness…willingly

EVERY DAY I STILL CHOOSE TO FORGIVE

Why the heck can I not forget?!

How can abuse be embedded so deep you feel cursed?

As the memories, the words, even the feelings replay so vividly once triggered

You go back to that time and relive it all…AGAIN

Some will say I haven’t truly forgiven

I will say you have no idea what you’re talking about as I have forgiven

Some will say I harbor a grudge

Again, you have no idea how much I have prayed for the best and care still for someone who thought so little of me, I understand this fallen world. As I have had my share of mistakes.

I am a survivor of something terrible. And sometimes the world takes you back in order to destroy you. So everyday I must fight, sword in hand, His Word in my heart, and press on with the very best because God resides in me. His Grace is sufficient. Because of Him I can move forward even after being thrown back so hard.

I saw your face the other day

And though it through me into a dark place

I have recovered

I will not succumb to be your victim

Because of Christ & my husband, I am a survivor.

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Chaos Welcomed

We are creatures of comfort and to each one of us that means something different.

From the ages of 6-11 I dealt with sexual abuse. At age 12, rape. From the ages of 13-19, I was a total mess, suffering with at times, extreme PTSD to the point I was suicidal. 

Chaos and inner turmoil were just the norm. 

At age 19, I met a man, who is still my man (married 20 years in December) who brought stability and protection into my life. Something I seriously didn’t know how to handle. You get used to the chaos. In its odd little way, it becomes a safe harbor because it’s all you know. 


But let me tell you, sweet one, were never meant to go through traumatic things, let alone remain there in the ashes.

You can rise above the pain and heal. No, it is not by any means… easy. But if you want it bad enough, it is so possible. You just need strong accountability partners and for me, it was my Savior, Jesus Christ and my husband.

Don’t feel sorry for me nor pity me. I am an Overcomer through God’s Grace and my husband’s love. 

I just want others to know your life does not end at the abuse unless you let it. I am here if you need a friend, sweet one.