I hate it when I cannot sleep. I toss and turn, aware that with every move I make I am risking interrupting my husband’s sleep, yet my mind races!! And I know if I can’t get a prayer to calm my mind, writing will beckon me next.
When I was seeing a psychologist due to trauma of abuse I encountered, one of the ways they would encourage you to process thoughts and fears was to write it out. For me, the pen or keyboard is a siphon to rid my mind of much unnecessary clutter. It also helps me zero in on a focal point, that’s why most of my prayers are written and lengthy.
I have been so blessed with good conversation lately with people I have been blessed to meet just within this last year. Oh, how I love deep conversations. One thing that seems to be repeated lately, is the messiness in the minds.
This messiness causes us to not be focused, to forget where we were going in our general conversation, to literally forget words. For me, I am having to seriously battle in my head before I can get out a solid prayer, hence, the lengthy written out prayers I have compiled. I would say the first part is me asking God to get Satan out of my head. What does it look like to have Satan attacking your prayers?
Here you are, head bowed, eyes closed, and you start, “Dear Heavenly Father… ( you should be up about getting your bookkeeping situated) … Dear Lord I ask that you clear my mind ( Did you make that phone call yesterday, what about ordering fuses for the lights in the Kia, oh and you need to schedule a doctor appointment) Jesus, please get Satan out of my mind. I cannot focus. Lord, the world is dealing with a huge spiritual battle. (It’s a virus) (No, it’s not, that is what you want us to focus on, now get out of my head) Lord, forgive me for being so distant. Satan is making it hard to focus. While there are these things I need to do in the world today, my heart and mind needs You. I can’t make him leave. They say at the name of Jesus, Satan has to flee. That he cringes at your name. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus… not today Satan. Leave me alone in Christ’s name. Back to where I was…. Oh yeah, Lord God so many are suffering in many unique ways. I ask that you be with my children, Lord. Not just my own but those I have bonded with outside of my home. You called me to youth. And I have many in my life. Lead, guide, direct and protect their lives spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. I know some of them are still on a search to find who they are and what they believe and I ask in this moment of wandering, what Grace has given me you take and give to them. Their lives over mine, Lord. (Oh, you need not pray for them. They are doing what they want and it’s not your business.) (Satan, hush!) Lord God, our Governor made a formal announcement that due to Coronavirus that schools would not meet back in a classroom setting for the rest of the year. ( I don’t like that idea really. My influence is stronger in their friend social groups than with them at home. So now I’m trying to make them feel isolated, to make them feel not worth much because their friends give them their worth and purpose. Being home with parents and siblings makes this harder yet I think I have a great idea moving forward.) Lord, I ask that you empower these momma’s to build worth and relationship with their kids in this unique period of time. That the child’s worth will come from a stable home and not a teacher or a group of friends. I am not saying these are not important but I am saying we have forgotten the importance and influence of family. One thing solidified even more for me is that in the end all you really have is your Faith and family. We have been separated from friends, from school, from work circles, from distant family, even from Church (yeah, separating you from Church didn’t go as planned. You all have created such new ways to share the blasted gospel but don’t worry I’m on it trying to silence that as well. Notice how Facebook is having a lot of technical issues and how Zoom totally shut down?) (I said hush) but the one thing we haven’t been separated from is Jesus and our immediate family. All those years growing up I tried to find my place to fit in at school. It’s just how things were and I wasn’t shown any differently but these kids… God, you are calling an army. They have been given a unique time to focus on faith and family and I pray these momma’s see the importance of their own roles as nurturers in their lives right now. They are on the front lines of the family, Lord. The defeated feelings I am seeing, it’s not from you. (I….) (I said hush…in Jesus’ name) Lord God forgive me for the times I have failed you. For the times I let Satan hault my prayers, for the fear and worry of things out of my control. Strengthen me in your name. I ask Lord, that you lead, guide, and protect my husband, our church, all the pastor’s preparing your Easter message, and the families at home together. May our minds be as empty of the junk of this world as the tomb was 3 days after Jesus’ death. May revival spring forth as we finally can bring ourselves to a place of worshipping with our whole heart and mind. It’ll take a lot of hushing Satan. But I know we can do it. We want it. We need it. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I hope and pray that for you the battle isn’t as immense as it seems to be for me. But if you find yourself like me, I have found the following scripture to help.
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,
2 Timothy 1:7, 9 NIV