Take Me Back

“You’re the preachy type.”

“Oh, you’re the one who posts so much religious stuff.”

I’ve heard this a lot. At the time I was also enduring some other painful situations that I was struggling through, the loss of a woman who took me under her wings as her own baby, a sick grandmother who we eventually had to be admitted to a rest home as her care became so great, and our adopted daughter’s behavioral issues. I felt like I was carrying a burden like that of the Pilgrim in The Pilgrim’s Progress. We all have hefty battles to endure. Struggle and hardships do not play favorites, we are all victims.

After hearing so many comments like the before mentioned, I started shutting down. I quit posting and writing and questioned everything that I was doing. I felt I was only running people away from Christ instead of towards Him. That perhaps in my drive to tell everyone about Jesus I had became vain and was seeking attention. I definitely was not getting the reactions I had hoped for.

I regret to say I backed off for a long while. I turned inward, hurt by comments, that in all honesty should have just bounced off of me like water on a duck’s wing. I let my passion for Christ, my fire, be kindled.

If you were my husband or my kids you would know it’s not normal for me to back down. I fight. I’m intentional and determined but I wasn’t with this situation, hence, my regret.

A few months ago God led us to a new church. That was a hard move. We are not church hoppers as we believe in “blooming where you’re planted” but as many of us know, when God calls, you go. Having said that, I have heard several sermons now and phrases have once again started hitting my internal walls I’ve built as if the words themselves were cannonballs. “Closet Christian,” “Undercover Agent for Christ,” “Pew Warmer,” and “Sunday Student” to name a few. My emotional infrastructure is damaged as I am brought under conviction. I’m depleted of any excuse.

When you lose your way, go back to the path you were sure of, kneel and pray there, and let God redirect.

Needless to say, my fire is reignited even brighter than before and I have many to thank for that. This time I won’t shy away from being me. I will be raw. I will be real and I will be at peace with that.

DebraKay November 11, 2019

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:1‭-‬2

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