I Saw Your Face

I saw your face today

I thought I was OK

But the days that followed had me spinning in a direction I once fled from

I wanted to be alone

I wanted the world to be silent

I wanted to cry for hours

FEAR found me again.

I saw your face today

I thought I was OK

Yet every moment you and I had replayed in my mind like a horror film

Is there a doctor to purge me of these memories?

A healer to take away this pain

A hypnotist to remove this part of my life?

I rendered to you your forgiveness…willingly

EVERY DAY I STILL CHOOSE TO FORGIVE

Why the heck can I not forget?!

How can abuse be embedded so deep you feel cursed?

As the memories, the words, even the feelings replay so vividly once triggered

You go back to that time and relive it all…AGAIN

Some will say I haven’t truly forgiven

I will say you have no idea what you’re talking about as I have forgiven

Some will say I harbor a grudge

Again, you have no idea how much I have prayed for the best and care still for someone who thought so little of me, I understand this fallen world. As I have had my share of mistakes.

I am a survivor of something terrible. And sometimes the world takes you back in order to destroy you. So everyday I must fight, sword in hand, His Word in my heart, and press on with the very best because God resides in me. His Grace is sufficient. Because of Him I can move forward even after being thrown back so hard.

I saw your face the other day

And though it through me into a dark place

I have recovered

I will not succumb to be your victim

Because of Christ & my husband, I am a survivor.