I do not claim that I have PTSD.
Anyone that knows me, knows I refrain far from the victim role as much as possible, but I do suffer triggers.
The last couple weeks being a momma has been a bit stressful. Maybe it’s the ‘hurry let’s get through school and not do it right’ or maybe they are bored with the every day. I tire of routine sometimes too. I get it. But my girls have been combative. I have great kids but they get in funks like anyone else.
And for the record, girls are much different to raise than boys. I raised 2 boys first.
Anyway, the stress has done some crazy things to my mind. I’ve had 3 nightmares in two weeks and the last one left me weeping like a baby.
It’s like I’m back in that darkness, 6 years old and fighting demons of abuse a child should not have to look in the eye. Then to 12 and being raped. I have too many instances stored on my hard drive.
Triggers take you back to pain. So I think for today I am going to write, plan meals and study recipes and just hide for a bit and regroup.
I know the pain of abuse and how even after 25 years, the pain can seem as real as yesterday. But I also know Satan works to destroy and just as much as he would rid of me, there is a Man right beside me, shielding me, fighting for me, while I regain composure.
Christ is the ONLY THING that can pull you from darkness like this. And when God brought my husband and I together, He gave me a friend. I’m not in this alone.
And you’re not either. Stranger I may be but oblivious I am not. And if you ever need anyone… I am here to show you what helped me through. I can’t fix things. But my Jesus can.