My love for the moon began very young, say around the age of 4 or so, along with my love for trees & birds.
As far back as I can remember the moon and I have always been tight. I grew up in an unmannerly home. Well, to be fair it was when I turned 6 that the abuse started, back when my mom & step-dad received custody from my grandparents in 1987; my grandparents gave me the best part of my childhood, though short lived.
Anyway, when I began being misused is when my connection with the moon began which eventually led to me liking trees and birds as well.
When I was younger I would clean and rearrange my room often. That was my haven. A place where I was left alone and sensed being my safest. When I would arrange things, I would assure that the head of the bed was up against the window no matter how I changed everything else.
Nighttime for the most part was my favorite time of any day. In that time, I didn’t have to worry about eyes constantly watching my every move and/or being sexually used by my step-dad. That’s when my mom would come home from work; all my abuse happened after school but before she got home.
When bed time came I would stretch out my biggest blanket on the floor and roll it like a fruit roll-up.
Then I would move it to the head of my bed and make it into a bird nest shape. I would place my pillow on the side closest to the window and crawl inside the ‘nest’ and cover up. I just wanted to be held tight and feel warm. Secure, I guess. Once I was comfortable I would gaze up at the moon plus bask in its moonbeams. I remember the moon for the most part was always in the same place which probably meant I had a routine bedtime. Something soothing about its light upon my face, the way it would lighten my dark room and the way it was consistent in being there most nights brought me comfort. It may sound childish, however for me, it was survival. IT brought me comfort in the darkest part of my life.
In the moons audience, I found time to regroup by piecing parts that were broken in my heart and mind somewhat back together.
Now that I am older I reflect on these moments often, not because I live in the past or search for negativity to add to my life but because when I think of childhood role-models… all I can say is the moon was mine. It taught me that though the world around you is pitch dark, though bad things happen in secret, you don’t have to be like the dark or follow those who do cruel unthinkable things, just shine your brightest. Be consistent. In doing so, someone else out there will find security in your light.
When I became a Christian at the age of 19, though still so imperfect, but a little more grounded in the Bible and in the way nature functions, I learned that the reason the Moon can shine so bright is because it reflects the light of the Sun. Therefore, without the Sun the Moon cannot shine. I remember wondering as a child if the moon had a light switch somewhere that it flipped on when its shift arrived because I wanted to shine just like it did.
With more knowledge of the Bible and the facts of nature, I was awestruck by a revelation that occurred to me. You know, it was one of those instances as if you were staring at the jumbled pieces of a puzzle on the table in front of you, unable to make a piece fit and then for some unknown reason out of nowhere all the pieces seem to come together…yeah, it was a moment like that. I understood that for me to shine and bring comfort to others like the Moon had done so many times for me, it could not happen on my own accord but from a willingness to let the Son/Sun shine one me and fill me with so much I radiate His light. Though I will forever love the moon, the Sun was the reason I found comfort. It was by its light moonbeams caressed my face and lightened my dark room. Hence, it is by the light of the Son shining through us as we willingly allow it, that we become a comfort to others. And by shining His light we can stay lit when all around us is pitch darkness and evil chaos.
If the Moon only had itself to credit for its light, I wonder if it could find the strength to continue when its constantly heartbroken by its witnessing of heartbreaking things? I know my light would go out. This world hurts. But by focusing on allowing the SUN/SON to shine on it and bring it comfort through a willingness to reflect, it works well. This is the reason for my love of the moon.
My love for Strong Trees and Bird Wings are not as deep and personal but remain treasures with symbolic meaning.
Trees, especially the larger trunked trees, bares witness that even in the harshest of weather conditions: drought, wind and ice, one can endure if its roots are bedded deep.
And with birds, it’s more about their wings that holds my fascination and their ability to fly. One of these days the willingness to reflect the sun/Son as the Moon does and the ability to thrive because of roots that run deep won’t be something I will be called to do anymore as my existence here on Earth will come to an end. When that time comes, I will spread my wings and fly.
And there lies my reasoning for loving the moon beams, strong trees and the bird wings.
Here just recently, after a long heart to heart with my husband on kids, life and my heart hurting, not to mention many tears that outnumbered the rain that had fallen that night…I seen the moon shine through the dark storm clouds.
It was brief, but I felt it served to remind me that even on the darkest nights, it still does its best to shine its brightest. It made the agony in my heart ease. Refreshing. 2-22-2018